Another day

I have decided to stop counting the days. I feel the numbers add only to the length of this and I took no pleasure in seeing it. I had a melt down.  Based on the last time I wrote - that was a bad day. Sigh.  I started to walk again.  Even that simple activity was hard after so much time of inactivity.  My legs were sore and my breath came in little spurts that inhibited conversation.  I remarked at how easy a walk around my neighburood used to be.  I have never before taken such a long break from excercising.  I don't recommend it...not to anyone.  Get moving, before you lose it. Excercise does have immense benefits - and it isnt just weight loss.  I was happy as I forced my legs to move in the right way - right then left.  The day was beautiful on my first walk out. The smell of spring was evident and the blue skies seemed even more blue if it  were possible. I was just thrilled to be doing something once again.  That in itself was my reward.  My schedule continues to be an inhibitor to my excercise regime but where there is a will, there is a way. I have a will. 

I woke up yesterday talking to God about the ridiculous choices i have made. I wondered aloud what to do next.  I believe I have found the answer, hold on to the One who is faithful.  I cant do this walk alone; I admitt it.  But He can help me. 

 

 

Hebrews 10:23 (New International Version, ©2011)

²³ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Prayer
Lord, here I am holding on with all my might.  Father you are faithful to do that which you have promised. You promised me that you will give me the desires of my heart and my hearts desire is to be healthy.  Father you are faithful in all things...no word from you will ever fail.  So in you Oh Lord, do I trust. You are the hope that i profess, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Day 13

Day 13– March 4, 2011

Today I thought of why this particular battle rages on in my life.  Why, I asked of the Lord, am I not the one who is able to eat anything and walk around looking like I do marathons for fun?  I thought was it from my Dad?  Is this actually a genetic disposition that pre-determined my body weight, shape and size?  Could it be that there is a finger that should be pointing away from me?  Sigh.  I gazed at my body last night.  It was unfamiliar to the eyes and the touch.  What was wrong?  My usually well toned legs looked like they belonged on someone else’s body. I was disheartened and crawled into my bed assuming the fetal pose of defeat.  This is just not fair!!! Why? Why? Why?  Why does it have to be so hard?  I hate this!  In the morning, I awoke to the words Paul wrote how many years ago in 1 Timothy 4:8…physical exercise does have some benefit.   In my crazy routine that was the missing element.  I have always exercised – even a little.  Ask anyone who really knows me and they will tell you – if nothing else I exercise; whether I am sweating to Taebo, Kick Boxing or “X ing” it with Tony Horton (whom I just love).  But since the ending of last year and the beginning of this year no workout regime has inspired me. Instead I spend my days at work, and my nights with a book for school or pleasure. That was my insight and great revelation.  I need to exercise.  I need to schedule it in – if it is indeed a priority for me.  My excuse cards have to be tossed and I have to make time for what is important.  Toned legs of steel?  Yes, that is important to me. 

1 Timothy 4:8 (New King James Version)

8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

Prayer:

Lord, this is hard for me. It really is, and I am often tempted to throw in towel and just give up.  I rationalize this thinking and attitude saying that this must be your will for me to be over weight.  But Lord, your word tells me clearly that exercising has benefit. You want me to be healthy. You want me to have a better quality of life.  Forgive me Lord, for not being more consistent in this area of my life.  I know this body is not mine, but it is a temple and I have been treating like a fast food restaurant – disregarding what I eat and what I do (or not do).  I pray today Lord that you will show me the right way to do this thing.  I am tired at this phase of the journey, but you promise to be with me still.  Fortify me oh Lord I pray. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Day 12 (or there abouts)

Day 12– February 16, 2011

Almost one year later, and I am still not finished in my initial goal – loose weight and feel great.  What has happened since then?  I joined the gym, got a personal trainer and for a year huffed, puffed and almost blew my trainer down (he was half my size).  My weight went up, down and up again.  What was the mater with this equation?  I decided to jump on board with my friends and have an accountability circle.  Yes, we would log our daily intake, our output and our progress on a weekly basis.  Great!  But that also ended up in the same pile as before – incomplete and is its way to cancellation along with my gym membership.  Then one November day in prayer the directives came through that was so crazy I knew it could not have been my own imagination – cut out meat (except sea food), dairy and yeast.  Three items and easy enough to do.  No problemo!  I danced my way into the kitchen only to see Johhny cakes from a package that no-one could tell me if contained yeast. No worries. Then for dinner ox-tail (a delicious Caribbean dish) was served up, while my mouth salivated and mourned the loss of the taste.  But I survived, and I didn’t die.  I surprised myself that day.  I exercised something that has been my struggle for years – self control.  Since then, I have made it through birthday parties, Christmas gatherings and other social events without eating meat.  My family admitted “I didn’t think you were serious” as the expectation was for me to crack under the savory dishes we serve at every gathering –as I always do. 

The past three months have taught me a few things as I continue on this journey.  One is that I can say no to food.  Two is that I can enjoy a scrumptious meal of beans and Quinoa.  Three is that self control is a choice.  Wow, I don’t even think I knew that until just now.  Have I lost anything in weight?  Measured on the scale maybe four to five pounds at most.  Measured in attitude – lost a bad one and gained a greater one!

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

 1 You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain.

Prayer:

Lord, you know me. You are most concerned with every aspect of our lives even weight loss.  Lord, I agree with David that such knowledge is too wonderful for me.  Lord, I thank you for the help in diet plan.  You care and that means the world to me.  Father, as you continue to search me, help me to listen and obey You – even when others laugh and call me crazy.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Day 11

Day 11– February, 24, 2010

It has been many days since yesterday for me.  An inability to express myself appeared and remained close beside me for quite a while.  But, today, I have new found liberty.  Have you ever found yourself in a dream-like state while fully awake?  That was how it felt until one morning a co-worker started talking to me about the gym.  God had been speaking to me about the exercise and my food intake throughout my silence.  “A little does a lot Lando.” Even now the words echo through my mind.  His promptings came often, and yet I forgot a second later.  Not true.  I chose to block His voice out of my head so that I may indulge in that ever tempting excess of “Must haves” and lay prostrate on my Bedded altar – a self made prisoner to the growing flesh once called my abdomen. But that morning, I listened with interest and made a decision – I am joining the gym.  I put into action that same afternoon what I had decided in my mind.  My Mind was made up and it told my body what we would do.  Isn’t that just something, a new mind set has pushed me to do what God wanted all along (He would have me do it at a much cheaper cost, but that’s another days writing).  Armed with determination and a renewed mind I began my journey into sweat and self-control.  One month later, my mind is still set to loose weight and gain a healthy body.  Daily, the bible says we re-new our minds and I have learnt that this is no different. Every day I have to push myself to do what I am doing – go to the gym.  I force myself to do what I don’t want to do, because it takes discipline and sweat and sometimes a few tears.  But my mind is made up.  I will not turn back.

Romans 12

Living Sacrifices

 1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Prayer:

Lord, your word tells me to re-new my mind daily.  I never fully understood the depth of this verse until recently.  Father I know it takes more than words to do something, and action is required. Faith without work is dead indeed. So I thank you for the action that matches to my passion.  I thank you for a renewed and sound mind from you.  I thank you that you will strengthen when I grow weary.  I thank you that my mind is finally aligning with the truth.

In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Day 10

Day 10– Aug. 07, 2009

I am so disappointed in my progress or lack thereof.  Again I have found myself at the beginning or even farther than that (if it were possible).  I tried on my “fit every time” black pant and it did not fit this time.  My weight has increased even without me being fully aware of its occurrence.  I have been inconsistent in my exercising, over indulgent in my eating habits and lax in my attitude.  The results scream at me now, when before it merely whispered words of caution.  Now what?  If I am to say that I am not disappointed and mildly angry then I deceive only myself.  The truth is I have been here before.  This feeling is familiar to me.  I hate it and yet, I am always here it seems.  Victory seems fleeting and ever so temporal.  Yet, it is the pattern for my life.  I believe that my relationship with Christ, with my Heavenly Father, with His Spirit is a meter for the things I do in all other areas of my life.  So what does this backward or rapid descent to the bottom mean?  I am far from God.  My actions have been honoring another God – one made by me.  I honored my stomach, my flesh, and my desires.  I cleaved to the things of this world.  I lost focus and my actions followed my new passion.  My question to me is this, where do I go from here?  I can’t give up, that is certain.  I am weak, but yet God is strong.  I am poor in spirit, but He is rich.  So I throw myself upon Him and ask for mercy and His strength.

Psalm 28 (New International Version)

 1 To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
       do not turn a deaf ear to me.
       For if you remain silent,
       I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.

 2 Hear my cry for mercy
       as I call to you for help,
       as I lift up my hands
       toward your

Most Holy Place

.

Prayer:

Lord, I know I have been here before.  In my flesh, I want to hide away from you, I feel like such a failure.  I feel so many things contradicting what I know the word has said is true.  Father, my weight upon my body, is a tell tale sign of my disregard for discipline.  It says so much more of other areas of my life, and I feel pressured to bow to shame and guilt.  Yet, I pray like David that you will hear me, and you will have mercy upon me as I call to you for help!  Father, I am your daughter.  I love you. I admit to you that I am in great need of your assistance. This walk is not something I can do alone. This life is not something I can live alone.  Have mercy Oh God upon me today. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Day 9

Day 9– July 27, 2009

It only takes a bite. Is this new to me?  No.  If I allow myself to take my eyes off my goal for just a second, the results are destructive.  This weekend I was invited to three separate functions – a barbeque, a wedding and a banquet.  Food, food and more food was the theme.  I ate without restriction, as each plate was presented to me.  This morning my clothes told me that the weekend binging nullified my hard work prior to these events.  I cannot help but see the parallel to my Christian walk.  It only takes a second to loose focus of Christ and become fully enticed by my own lustful desires.  I cannot allow myself to loose control, to wantonly abandon discipline, thinking tomorrow will be better.  I cannot deceive myself into thinking that a little won’t hurt, a little more food, a little play, a little lie, a little sin.  The truth will not be changed to accommodate my own desires.  James tells me that the process leads to death, even though the beginnings seem so innocent and harmless.  I never imagined that 3 days of eating events would cause weight gain on the Monday after. I never imagined that sex outside of marriage would cause me to loose a friend forever.  I never imagined that lies never end but is the breeding ground for hurt and destruction.  I never knew that a little is sometimes just too much.

James 1 (Amplified Bible)

13Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from God; for God is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one.
    14But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).
    15Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death.

Prayer:

Lord, temptation comes in so many forms.  It seems like it is a daily occurrence in my life.  James has told me that this is not from you, for just as you cannot be tempted, you don’t tempt anyone.  The truth as I see it God is horrifying, for it is by my own evil desire that I am drawn away.  It draws me away from that which I really want to do, and I see that it brings death to me in the end.  Lord, I am not allowing myself to remain in this stage, rather God I am turning around, I am starting over.  I am not staying down nor will I shut up.  I will press toward the mark for the prize, in Jesus’ name, Amen!

Day 8

Day 8– July 24, 2009

I cried today.  I realize that in saying this I really expose myself, to myself and whomever that may allow their eyes to wander across this page.  I cried for so many reasons that seemed all culminated into one.  I thought of all the mistakes I have made, wrong choices, wrong persons, wrong dos, wrong donts, wrong everything.  I set out on so many occasions to do the right thing.  I want to honour God. I want to eat right. I want to have Godly relationships.  I want to think right; be right; live right; talk right; walk right.  I do.  Every day that I am blessed with life, my intentions are always honorable at the onset of every day.  Yet why is it, and this question repeats itself, do I always do the wrong thing.  So I cried today.  I felt the effect of a bad decision and the weight of it was crushing.  I prayed through the tears (for then it actually makes sense and is worthwhile) for God to show me what was wrong with me.  As I drove down the 401, tears streaming along my cheeks, I emptied myself to the one who cares for me.  At that moment, I needed to have a voice – my voice.  I carried guilt and shame and I needed to cast them upon the one who said He can bear them, because He loves me. I spoke honestly, and I believed I screamed.  I shouted “I am so mad!” as I told my Father all things. I want to remember how He allowed me to get it all out and the condemnation never came.  So I cried today. I prayed today.  I found comfort today.

Romans 7 (New International Version)
²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God's law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
      So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 8 (New International Version)

¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,^{[a] 2}because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Prayer:

Lord, I thank you for your words of wisdom that tells me that I am not an isolated case.  Paul, who can be credited for writing most of the New Testament letters says he finds himself in the same position; wanting to do right, but evil presents itself.   Father, I am glad that he gave us hope, that through him You gave me hope.  I find now that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Lord, those words have given me solace.  Indeed the word is true and it has promised that the law of the Spirit will set me free from the law of sin and death.  In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

Day 7

Day 7 – July 04, 2009

I came face to face with an old friend today and it was “interesting”.  I saw him from the corner of my eye and immediately my heart raced faster than it does in Donna’s Cardio Groove classes.  I tried to tell myself calm down, but I was so unnerved by his presence I couldn’t do it.  God is indeed humorous.  Even as I tried to ignore him and forget the pain of the injury (which I proclaimed to be healed), the incessant gnawing was more than I could bare.  So God whispered – Forgive. He used the voices of two women who told me that “forgiveness is not for the other person, but for you” and “thank you for the talk on forgiveness”.  What? Wait a minute hold up!  My own words and preaching on forgiveness came to stare me down.  I had to do something.  Hypocrisy was not the mode of operation for me.  I tell you, it is easier to do a 10K run than it was to step to him and request a confrontation. I saw myself for a brief moment heading to him and standing there expecting an immediate apology and sincerity.  It didn’t happen.  I said what I had to say and he said what he did.  I realized that it still did not offer me any release.  Something was still not right.  I was still heavy, the weight still slowing my footsteps and crushing my shoulders.  At the very end of the evening, I found the courage to say what I should have said at the onset of the “conversation”.  This really should have been my only word to him.  Forgiven.  That was all it took....one word.  Well, that is not true.  It took my own sincerity in acceptance of an apology that we both knew was not what he felt, but was not the key to my forgiveness.  I forgave him and like the weight that I shed now from pounding the pavement in jogging shoes, my soul rejoiced.  Forgiveness was really for me.  My choice to do the right thing benefited me at that very instant.  Forgiven.

Colossians 3:13 (New International Version)

¹³Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Prayer:

Lord, the bible tells me that as you forgave me, I ought to do the same.  This lesson comes from the pages of my own life and it really gives substance to the words I have read before.  I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to make things right with my brother. I thank you that my heart is light and pure towards him. I thank you that forgiveness will only be easier as I practice it more and more.  Lord, I pray for all who struggle with the act of forgiving. May their eyes be opened unto your revelation through the Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Day 6

Day 6 – July 2, 2009

There is something that we cannot deny, a mystery that we cannot explain, a wonder that brings us to tears; the miracle of a new born baby.  My God-son was born today, making his presence known with a LOUD CRY from apparently very strong lungs.  He is beautiful and just perfect.  In him there is no flaw that his parents are able to find...just wonderful and perfect. As I strive to shed this weight from my body, I pause to reflect on what I had forgotten.  God, who made everything good, made me.  A song writer asked “so what does that make me?”  Good. It makes me good.  The way that I look, my body type or structure is good.  God told me years ago “you are beautiful”.  I cried and cried hearing his voice roll over me like the gentle flow of a baby river.  I could barely believe it.  Yet, I knew that on the day I was born, some thirty plus years ago my parents looked upon me and declared me just perfect.  Somewhere along my life, those words stopped coming.  I sought affirmation from others – men mostly. I listened to hear the masculine timber of a man telling me how attractive I was to him.  It never came.  So I ate, as I often do, to find comfort in the flavors of food.  But my wonderful God came and rescued me from what would have been my eventual fate.  He told me a truth I dared not believe before He said it to me.  “You are beautiful.  Your Daddy never told you. No boyfriend ever told you. But I am telling you. You are beautiful.”  I still tear up just re-visiting this, and I am glad that I was reminded once again.  I am beautiful and always will be – fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14 (New International Version)

 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

Prayer

Father your lesson notes come to me at unexpected times, but always right on time.  With the miraculous (for truly every birth is) birth of my god-son Carson, you gave me a refresher course on a lesson of long ago.  I am beautiful.  My weight does not define me, nor does it negate your words written over me.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  David said, and I concur, I know that full well.  Father, I thank you for being the voice that tells me the truth.  It really is all the affirmation I need and the only one that matters.  May others believe this for themselves – they are fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen.

Day 5

Day 5 – June 8, 2009

It’s not about me.  This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks today.  There really is a bigger picture and it is not all about this Caribbean girl, trying to serve God ,find love, and loose weight. I have found myself to be rather self absorbed at times.  Even now, in some way I know my mind is struggling to take the focus off itself and unto the Bigger picture.  I have a friend, and he did something that I was not at all in agreement with.  Moments of displeasure is normally medicated by food and piles of self pity loaded for flavoring.  As I complained to whomever had ears, I heard “It’s not about you Lando.”  I was taking his actions towards me personally. I was injured and convinced myself I was so hurt and rightly justified to never again speak to him as long as I lived.  Of course, I thought, I love him as a person but I certainly don’t have to like him, or be in contact with him ever.  (I love it when I get up on the self righteous soap box I keep under my bed for moments such as this.  God always finds a way to topple me off, and bring me back to the truth of the matter).  In this case, it was simple, and I will say it again just because; “It’s not about me!”  So now that I know that I am not the only person in the world and that the plan God has is inclusive of others and not just focused on me, I am more grounded.  The forkful of food that was poised to be shuffled into my mouth can actually be put aside, with a new concept in mind. God has a plan and purpose for him as much as he does for me, and for sure it is good.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Prayer:

Lord, it is a good thing to know that you have plans for me and for all people.  It is comforting to know that these plans are never with a harmful intent but instead to prosper us, to give us hope and a future.  Father, as I meditate upon this truth today, I pray for my friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers to me. May they also know today that you have a plan for them.  Father, may their eyes be opened unto this truth in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Day 4

Day 4 – June 7, 2009

This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.  I have not done any exercise of the body today, but my mind has been racing laps around an issue I have to deal with.  After attending a barbeque for a friend’s father, I know more than I did before. I have a choice.  Evil presents itself, tempting you to take the “apple”.  We see only half of the coin – the pleasure side, the feel good, but never the pain and the sting that comes from indulging.  God does give us a free will and with it we have the right to choose.  “Choose today whom you will serve”, Joshua told the people of Israel.  At some point, we must take responsibility for our choices.  I choose what I am going to eat, or wear. I choose what I will allow or what I will do. I choose whether or not to submit to temptation or to take that door of escape that God provided.  I choose to live or die, by the confessions of my mouth.  I have a role to play in the balance of life.  God, my heavenly Father, has given me that right.  This in no way lessens His sovereignty or negates His deity.  He is God all by Himself and He will have mercy on whomever He so desires, making the rain to fall on the just and the unjust.  Yet, He says to me Choose.  Today I choose not to forsake His ways. Today I choose not to over indulge in the temporary pleasures set before me.  Today I choose to stand alone, leaving the main stream and the crowd behind me. Today I choose to serve the Lord. 

Joshua 24: 15 (New King James)

¹⁵ And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Prayer:

Father, I choose to serve you.  I choose to put aside those things that are in contradiction to your mandate and will for my life.  I choose Father, to lay aside the weight that has so easily beset me.  I choose to be a light, and to remain unmoved in my stance of you.  I choose to uphold your name...I choose to be different than the rest. I choose not to bow down before the graven image of any false God.  Father, I choose to submit to you. I choose to serve you. Amen.

Day 3

Day 3 – June 6, 2009

Before the birds began to sing, I awoke.  At an unreasonably early hour, my sister and I dragged ourselves to the gym.  The hardest part has always been getting there.  I find it so difficult to get out of the comfort of my bed – comforter, pillows and Cuddles (stuffed elephant since I was 11).  That combination really does not encourage me to leave and go anywhere, especially on a Saturday with no school, no work and one of my very few days with nothing to do.  This is where “discipline” comes into play.  After teaching Galations 5 to my Kids Club class, the fruit of the spirit lesson was still etched in my mind.  Off we went, joining all the others who were dedicated gym buffs with the body to proof.  As I ran on the treadmill – yes ran, a thought came to mind. I can do this Lando.  My mind began the chorus; my feet kept rhythm....  “I can do this”.  Sweat now poured down my face, and then I really felt encouraged. My body felt strong, and even the pain of moving this two hundred pound body on a slope was not a deterrent.  “I can do this” my mind continued to meditate on this phrase.  It was not just the “I” but it was who I knew was behind, before and beside me.  I believed the truth of the bible.  Paul wrote to the Philipians and told them that they could do all things through Christ who strengthens them.  I believed that for myself.  That was my promise as well.  “I can do this, because Christ strengthens me”.

Philippians 4: 13 (Amplified)

13 I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who [g]infuses inner strength into me; I am [h]self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Prayer:

Father, there is nothing that I cannot do with you strengthening. There is no challenge too great, or small that I will not be able to excel in, as you are with me.  Lord, this challenge to be healthy in my body and my soul I know I can do.  Lord your word is true and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Day 2

Day 2 – June 5, 2009

So yesterday I started on a new journey.  Okay then, not that new, but still new in my approach to it.  Thinking about what I ate, and I can see the choices that were not necessarily the best.  While the food itself was not bad, the quantity nullified any health benefits I would have gained and worked against me instead of for me.  It seems that is a running theme throughout my life…the excess ruins the good intent.  This is not just food, but in all areas of my life.  I see my relationship with others, and even my service. I have such good intentions and at times I could just burst with the ideas popping up in my head.  Yet, they don’t always reap the benefits I expected.  Sometimes, and this is hard to say, I am just too much.  I want to do good, yet my good is evil spoken of.  That is lack of wisdom on my part.  That over zealousness is better suited in my praises to God – not so much anywhere else.  The issue then becomes a craving of my flesh for more food, more praises, more “well done”, more acknowledgement, more and more of the fleshly, lustful appetites that consume me in the end.  I am thinking of the Apostle Paul, (this man was truly inspired by God), in the end he says, the body gets destroyed.  What therefore I ask myself, does it profit me to feed it with things that are to my detriment?  I should treat my body as it was intended, as it is not my own, but for the Lord.

1 Corinthians 6:13 (New International Version)

13"Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

Prayer:

God, food for the body and the body for food, is the repeated words of my mind.  Father, it is written that my body is for you. It is not meant for sexual immorality and fleshly perversions, including gluttonous indulging.  Father, forgive me of the things I have subjected this body to, and help me now in my steps to surrender.  Lord, give me the “know how” to do what I should, and the wisdom to know just how much.  Father, my body is yours.  Help me to be a good steward over it’s care, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Day 1

Day 1 – June 4, 2009

It makes sense to me. I write about everything else in my life, why not this?  Today I have begun my weight loss, get healthy challenge. It is the desire to change my habits that have propelled me to this place where I now find myself.  I admit, I don’t quite remember the journey, but I definitely see the difference.  For over 14 years I have been struggling to loose the “baby fat” gained during the pregnancy of my son and the breakup with his Dad.  I am now sitting at the end of my 34^th year with my stomach bulging from my pants.  This does nothing to encourage me this particular morning.  What is my problem?  That is the thought most fresh in my mind.  God, can you help me?  Praying mentally, I proceeded to device a plan, a new strategy, a kick fat routine destined for success.  A pop up word burst through my musings “self discipline”.  I remember Him, God that is, saying something to me about this a few months ago.  Was this in response to the same prayer?  I don’t remember.  Exercising discipline seems to be my weakest link.  This disregard for discipline has led me to the table I am now compelled to sit before.  Truth be told, my lack of discipline, or rather my unwillingness to practice it, has affected every area of my life.  It has carved out the woman I am today, and I don’t always like who I see, and what I do.  God made me in His image, but it is I who have changed it in my deviation from His plan.  Discipline/Self Control – is a fruit of the spirit according to Paul in his letter to the Galatians.




Galations 5: 22 – 25 (Amplified)
22But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness,
    23Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [[f]that can bring a charge].
    24And those who belong to Christ Jesus (the Messiah) have crucified the flesh (the godless human nature) with its passions and appetites and desires.
    25If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. [If by the Holy Spirit [g]we have our life in God, let us go forward [h]walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.]

Prayer:

God I need your help. I cannot do this without you.  It is not just the food, but it is the flesh rising up inside of me and overcoming me with it’s passions and appetites and desires.  Father, this is multifaceted and I need your help to walk the line, being controlled by the spirit.  Father, may today your word which is like a double edged sword pierce through the passions of my flesh.  Father may my actions today be evident of self restraint, self control, discipline.