SELF CONTROL - IT IS A CHOICE

I choose love.

I choose joy.

I choose peace.

I choose kindness.

I choose gentleness.

I choose patience.

I choose the most appealing pieces of the fruit of the spirit.  

Do you notice what is not on choice list?  Go ahead.  Look it over.  

Did you notice the absence of longsuffering and self-control?

Well, chances are you didn't choose them either.

Perhaps, like myself, you don't want that particular peg on your plate.  It just doesn't appeal to your palette;  it doesn't fit in with your culture; its a bitterness that no taste buds ever acquire an appetite for eating. Yet, I know that we need it.  It is like drinking bitter herbs at the start of fall.  It is horrible to go down but the benefits last for a long time.  

Self control, the act of restraining oneself, mastering emotions and actions, putting oneself in subjection to specific constraints.  Guarding oneself against emotional outbursts and spontaneous actions that can be disastrous and destructive.

My choices have caught up to me over the years.  This is why I am journaling about a diet that gets hijacked weekly because of no self control.  I have refused to police myself and am now eating another fruit I didn't choose - obesity and all the woes it has brought to my life.

It is time to choose again.

It is time to get the glue really of love joy peace and kindness.  It is time to choose self control. 

Father, this has been my struggle for more years than I even remember.  Please help me to delight in this peg of the spirit's fruit.  It is counter culture but so desperately needed in my life.  Father, please help me to curb and restrain myself from actions that will cause me pain in the end.  I need to be self controlled and I know that this power is in YOU.  pour it out in me I pray and help me to choose it every day.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.    

STEPS OF A GOOD MAN

 I read recently that the steps of a good man are ordered by God and that He delights in all his ways. It goes on to say that if this man falls that God will help him up. 

For me, these words bring comfort and encouragement. Why? Well on this up and down journey to lose weight, and feel great I love having a step by step coach. 

I was overwhelmed with the big picture view before me. I constantly resisted planning dinner at breakfast. I've been frustrated with the plans I made for the week going awry with my self appointed job title of "leftover eater". 

Exercise was always in the plan but work and health wrecked every good intention.  Am I complaining? A little. 

However, I realize it's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to get up again even after falling numerous times. It's okay to ask for help - divine help. 

So I am leaning into this verse from Psalm 37. Step by step God orders and establishes a plan of success for me.  One meal at a time. One movement at a time. Good enough for this girl.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for your direction. I am unable to do this solo. Obviously, I am not good at leading myself. I praise you for helping me up every time I fall. Into your hands I commit this diet for health Strength and wealth in Jesus name Amen.  

Never give up

 Don't become weary of doing good, for in due season you will reap a harvest of blessing if you don't give up.  Paul wrote these words to the church thousands of years ago. Yet, I find it still as rich and powerful and applicable to my life today. 

How many times have I wanted to just quit? Quit on this diet, this journey that is ever so long towards Health? If I said daily perhaps that would be overly dramatic and an over exaggeration of the truth. Yet, that desire to quit comes more often than I would like. 

Well the evidence is all over the scale and staring at me from the mirror. I am reaping alright, exactly what I have sown.  I have sown to the flesh - Doritos, Rice, Potatoes and lots of sitting down time. In response my harvest is tight clothing, an extra chin and a bulging belly. 

Truth in the house today. 

So yes, quitting has presented itself as an option. However, I am not going to yield to it or accept it's alluring invitation. I want better. I want health. I want a slimmer waist line. I want success. 

So as Paul said don't give up and I won't. I will not get weary or tired. I will get up again so help me God!

Father God help me please to live this out! Help me to not get weary of doing what is needed to be healthier and stronger. I lean into you oh God. In Jesus name Amen

Never Give Up

 Just give up.  

Those are the words whispered to my sub-conscious weekly and sometimes daily.

The narrative sounds a little like this:

Give up on exercising, you've already missed so many days.

Give up on the healthy choices, that chocolate bar already ruined the streak.

Just give up on trying to change what you have always been - the overweight girl turned woman.  

On and on it goes, giving me every excuse to lean into what is easier on the surface to do - just give up.  I could admit defeat and eat my burger in peace.  Well, the illusion of peace.

Is it just me?  I don't think so.  

Maybe the challenge for you is not your weight or dress size.  Perhaps you are being told to just give up on life.  It's not going great for most people right now and hope seems like a thing of the past - way past many yesterdays ago.

However, I want to tell you what I am clinging to right this very minute - truth.  

Truth says Let us not become weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal 6:9).

It means that we keep going, we keep doing, we keep believing and trusting in God and His ability to sustain us in our journey.  It means that we throw away all thoughts that tells us to just give up.   There is a harvest.  There is good at the end if we just hold our position and do not quit.

So, what will it be?  Do you continue to do good?  You should as I sure will keep on going until the day I die.  I will never give up.  I will reap my good harvest in due season.  God's truth will never be denied.

Father, thank you.  I know this is more than about a diet.  In this day and age I am very much aware of so many that are struggling and so many that have already given up.  Please open our eyes to see your Truth.  Father please strengthen us in our resolve to not quit on this gift of life.  We may not see the beauty in the days we face but there is fruit to be had at the end of this season.   Thank you God for never giving up on us and may we never give up on you.  In Jesus name,

Amen. 

Self Care

The Lord has been really working on me about self care.  I know it is Him.  

He is changing my views on how I look at myself and apart of that is just establishing some routines that are simple and needed and add value to me.  

I know that the words Self care already had some of you counting out the change you have in your purse and saying I cant buy anything else right now.  After all it is January and we know we are already anticipating December's generosity bill.  Girl, don't I know it!  However, like I said God has re-worked my distorted viewpoint and given me clarity.

My self care routine don't cost me nothing but time.  

I am talking about things like taking a shower with intention to pay attention to me. Now don't go saying you have to do that anyway.  I am allowing even that everyday activity to count for something good.   You know, using that soap, (DOVE is the scent of the month), that just makes me feel good every time I smell it.  Or, using that homemade exfoliant my girlfriend gave me and even that lavender night time lotion for an even better experience at the end. My shower time sometimes becomes praise and worship time that enriches the experience and takes it to a whole new level.  

Selfcare includes walking along my favorite path, not with an "I must lose weight to feel great" mindset, but just to enjoy it all; to take it all in and give God praise for His handiwork. 

Selfcare for me is about getting that water in and allowing it to flush this body through and through. Lately, I know He is talking to me about resting, physically unplugging and getting enough sleep to allow my body to heal and reset.  God is good.

I don't know what He may tell you to do but whatever it is I know that it is just for you.  God is not a one size fits all kind of God, and a plus size girl like myself know that this isn't even true in reality.  However, God has measured us up and He wont miss in His plans for us.  You better believe that He has got a regiment all worked out for you - personalized and guaranteed to give you results that exceed your expectations. So, lets get to it woman, lets sign up for the plan He has already drawn out - Just for YOU.

Heavenly Father,

thanks again for being so personal with each of us.  We are not the same in our body shape or our DNA and you know this very well.  Lord, we are asking you to show us how to intentionally take care of us selves according to your plan.  Father please make it so clear that we cant dispute that we are hearing for you.  Lord, help us to stick the plan and see the results that we have wanted to see for a long time now.  We need you on this journey towards better health and a better me.  Lord, thank you for helping us in advance, in Jesus' name,  Amen.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

 I have been on this journey to lose weight for years.  The pages of this digital diary certainly keeps better track than I do right now.  It has been arduous!!!!

Actually let be honest, at least with myself.  I have not been consistent.  Again,  the evidence is obvious from the gaps between posts in this diary.  I have been lazy and unintentional in my efforts.  I really want to lose weight and be healthier but I don't understand why I am unwilling to do the work. Every success story I have heard has in common these things - Consistency and Effort.  A big sigh here if I can.  

Okay, I am finished for today with the why I have not and am ready to focus on the why I can and I should.  I want to look good but it is so much more than that.  I want to feel great on the inside.  I want to know each day that I was intentional in my self care routine.  I want to be an example for others that taking care of your health is rewarding and needed.  I want to be the girl that does not shrink back just because something is hard.    I want to live out the I can do all things through Christ verse that i quote so often to others.  

Dear God,

It's me again in need of your strength and help.  I know that I need to make some changes regarding my health and  I know enough to know that I am not able to do what it takes on my own.  I need you Father.  Please help me to make a change for the better, to be consistent and intentional about my self care.   Thank you Lord in advance for your help, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Truth is...

Truth is I am tired.  Tired of battling the same thing day after day after day.  Can I get an amen?  Amen!  I don't know where you are in your journey towards a healthy size and a better you but I have been on the same path for decades.  (Excuse me while I inhale deeply here).   Now,  as I wrote that and for myself I hear this is a sign of insanity; Trying to do the same thing over and over and yes - expecting different results. You would agree with every other person with a rational brain that this is not the way to achieve the desired goal - to achieve any goal for that matter.

You see, this cycle has been a trend in my life in all areas of my life and truth is, this is not working.  The process is flawed because I am flawed.  I need to really examine what I am doing and inject truth.   Yes, a healthy does of truthful reality is what I need - doctor's order in fact.


God told me years ago and it has not changed that only truth will set me free.  I will say my own Amen.  I agree Father with you.


Heavenly Father,
thanks for the dose of truth today.  I know that I need to change my mindset and really get to the heart of the matter - the truth of the matter.  Please Lord help me to get to a place where I am effective in my journey towards health in  Jesus name.  Lord, please help all the other men and women that are struggling in this area as well.  I pray this in your son's name, Amen.