Day 8

Day 8– July 24, 2009

I cried today.  I realize that in saying this I really expose myself, to myself and whomever that may allow their eyes to wander across this page.  I cried for so many reasons that seemed all culminated into one.  I thought of all the mistakes I have made, wrong choices, wrong persons, wrong dos, wrong donts, wrong everything.  I set out on so many occasions to do the right thing.  I want to honour God. I want to eat right. I want to have Godly relationships.  I want to think right; be right; live right; talk right; walk right.  I do.  Every day that I am blessed with life, my intentions are always honorable at the onset of every day.  Yet why is it, and this question repeats itself, do I always do the wrong thing.  So I cried today.  I felt the effect of a bad decision and the weight of it was crushing.  I prayed through the tears (for then it actually makes sense and is worthwhile) for God to show me what was wrong with me.  As I drove down the 401, tears streaming along my cheeks, I emptied myself to the one who cares for me.  At that moment, I needed to have a voice – my voice.  I carried guilt and shame and I needed to cast them upon the one who said He can bear them, because He loves me. I spoke honestly, and I believed I screamed.  I shouted “I am so mad!” as I told my Father all things. I want to remember how He allowed me to get it all out and the condemnation never came.  So I cried today. I prayed today.  I found comfort today.

Romans 7 (New International Version)
²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God's law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
      So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 8 (New International Version)

¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,^{[a] 2}because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Prayer:

Lord, I thank you for your words of wisdom that tells me that I am not an isolated case.  Paul, who can be credited for writing most of the New Testament letters says he finds himself in the same position; wanting to do right, but evil presents itself.   Father, I am glad that he gave us hope, that through him You gave me hope.  I find now that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Lord, those words have given me solace.  Indeed the word is true and it has promised that the law of the Spirit will set me free from the law of sin and death.  In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.